FAILING FRIENDSHIPS

Discontentment has become your daily Bread.

You used to have it put together. You were once the hero in your small circle. Loved by the people around you , celebrated by even more. People were at your beck and call and everything seemed perfect. Read more

On Standards And Self-giving

There’s something I try to remember consciously as much as I can. It is that this earth is only a road and this road leads somewhere better for me. That this journey may be crooked but my end is a sure deal. It’s a certainty. No two ways about it. So when the storms rise and the sun refuses to shine, I try to remember that in the end, it isn’t the things that are done to us here that matter but the things we manage to get done here, the things we do to make the journey a bit easier for those around us.

However, when we are sunk in many personal issues and worries, it is so easy to forget all this. It is so easy to not remember that there are people around who need a relief off of their own burdens. Indeed, it’s unbelievable what extreme suffering can do to a person’s empathetic and sympathetic sides.

Some time ago, amidst having just so much not going smoothly in my own life, I saw myself gradually become a selfish, self-engrossed, only self seeking person. I didn’t as much bother about people’s issues. In fact, I didn’t want to hear of them. Because why should I care? Because were they there for me when I needed them? Because in this life, every man for himself and God for us all. Because my issues were just too much to add other people’s.

Writing this now reminds me also of the people I was led to reach out to but blatantly refused because ‘my own Christian life wasn’t yet set so how could I try to help someone?’ How could I intend to water a field when mine seemed withering? I had forgotten all I wrote in that first paragraph. I had forgotten that the container used to serve others always has remnants left over in it. I had forgotten that it is in watering, you get watered. That you are the best person to be that person you once needed to the one in need now. I had forgotten that it is more blessed to give than receive. That we are called to a life of laying one’s life down, one’s problems, one’s successes, one’s needs, all down for another’s. That we are called to love. Not as our senses deem fit. Not as our emotions allow us. But as Love loves.

Can we even take a moment to re-evaluate  our standard for this thing called love? Can we for a moment ask ourselves if it’s just a convenient four letter words that pops up in a conversation to make the other feel a certain way and maybe do a certain thing. What has happened to the other side of love? The other side where we give without counting the cost, knowing fully well that even if all we have at the end of the day are losses, we’ve gained because we, as unworthy as we are, have somewhat shared in the sufferings of Christ. We have somewhat shared in His love that wasn’t scared to give, wasn’t scared to pay sacrifices it never owed.

My Friend Eli said, we Kindle the fire of love and then turn away when the heat begins. I believe we do mostly because we have no idea how hot the heat could get after kindling the fire and some of us probably aren’t even aware that during the heat, love remains. That the heat is like an incubator that cultures love till it grows and consumes our entire beings. Till all we are is soaked in love and all we have is love and so all we can give is love. In its most unadulterated form.

Turning the tables a bit, a lot of us also have little or no idea what to expect from love. We are treated in dishonourable ways yet we keep our mouths shut because at the end of the day, those four letters, those three words are flung at our faces like they are the balm to our sore hearts and bruised souls. We are needy. We are empty. So we seek even the counterfeit of the original just so it could be as though…. Just so there’s something, someone in there. Just so the space isn’t vacant. Because we fear the vacancy more than we fear our hearts being occupied with pain, fear and sadness.

But thankfully, whether we are under loved or we under love, we all need one thing. We all need to know and grasp the standard for this thing called love. We all need to first, accept love from Love Himself so we know what Love is and what it isn’t. Then we need to learn of Him the right way to do this, learn of Him the way to love like He did.  He is the right standard for the Love we proclaim. Not our past experiences. Not how we’ve been treated . Not what our emotions suggest. Only Him and how He loved. The self – sacrificing, self –  giving way.

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As you ponder on that, Please Listen to my first released spoken word rendition by following the link below :

God loves you crazily.

MercyMax!!!

That Little Leaven

God NEVER tempts, we are always drawn away by our own lusts. I believe Brother James couldn’t have said it better.

I got born again years back and since then, it is safe to say I have fought one major temptation, battled one major leaven.

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Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Today, I lay on my bed and listened to the voice of the Holy spirit clearly, as He told me somethings I needed to do.

It wasn’t always like this.

Born into a very Christian home, I couldn’t have known any other religion but Christianity. My parents, especially my mum ensured I and my siblings knew even more than the basis of Christianity at a very young age. We were taught that Jesus loved us, we were taught to tell people about Jesus and we were taught to be like Jesus. All these actually just seemed to me a set of dos and donts I had to abide by. Morality was the Christianity I knew. And the Christianity I practiced.

Although I preached a sermon in church at age eight and lived in constant fear of hell, my definition of Christianity was far from anything synonymous to the love of God. The fear would die down every now and then and be rejuvenated by the common Jesus movies played in the Scripture Union camps my parents made us attend. At the peak of the fear, I would be a saint, living a frigid life, walking on egg shells because Jesus could come anytime and I wanted to be in the number. When the fear would quench with time – it always did- I would become the bird that appeared calm and collected – needless to say, only because it was caged – while in truth I was the one that had gone haywire already. Indeed I could have committed a lot more atrocities than I did but for the fact that I had very little opportunities.

And so it continued like that. Countless morning devotions that I didn’t understand fully the reason for and even evangelism trips with me merely repeating to my audience what my mum or Sunday school teachers had told me.

But through it all – Maybe because of an upbringing that gave you no reason to- I never doubted the existence of God. I had heard He answers prayers. I had prayed too and seen answers. Like the day I cried out to God that I needed to stop bed wetting and I stopped, just like that.  And the many times I prayed for my WASSCE , asking God to just dash me grades above D7. And it happened, exactly how I asked.

Still, I didn’t yet truly love Him or know Him or understand even a tiny bit of who He is. I didn’t yet understand His love for me and I wasn’t ready to yield my heart fully to Him.

Some bit of growth would later teach me that even when we want nothing to do with God, He, like the unwavering suitor, remains there for and with us, showing us even more love than He did at first, giving us even more pointers and landmarks that lead us to Him. This, I believe is why he sent that awesome friend to me. The one who really knew His love and spoke about it with so much spark in his eyes. I should have easily been swayed at this friend’s words. After all, I was the one who was normally easily influenced. But I wasn’t. I guess there’s just almost always a struggle to choose life and so despite this friend’s many God- talks, I still was wary. I felt surrendering to Jesus meant everything but an interesting life. I felt I wasn’t just ready. I felt with time I would be.

This was my life till that cold morning in September, 2011 when my 14 year old self woke up and just knew it was time. I just knew I had to and at that moment on my bed and in the presence of no one but God, I said my first heartfelt sinners’ prayer. That morning, I started out my walk on the road, not to heaven, but to full and complete Christ likeness. I am yet to finish even a tiny bit of the journey but the roads I have plied have been littered with bits and pieces of God’s love. I have found Him in my dark days and in my brighter days.

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I cannot say it’s been a smooth ride or walk. There have been many speed breakers. Many have come in form of guilt and condemnation for wrongs I have done. I have held my brakes on this journey and even turned back, many times. I have at one time shut Him out completely from my life and then gone from being spirit led to just going to church as a ritual so everyone around me would feel I’m still there, still very born again. But in all these times, I have found that it simply doesn’t work any other way for me. The emptiness and void I feel when I am not with and in Him bears witness to this truth. I am absolutely nothing and useless without God.

I’ve reached here finally, this point where His love for me means everything to me. I have embraced Grace and forgiveness. I have seen even more answered prayers. But most especially, I have experienced His Peace, perfect peace that is inexplicable.

I have felt Him calm the storms that wage war in my heart and I have seen Him reward my faith, many times. I do not need stone to turn into Bread for me to believe. I do not need to see or witness the supernatural before I believe. The signs, my belief, my conviction, everything I need, they’re all in my heart, firmly planted, firmly rooted.

And like I did today, anytime I hear Him say something and it happens, just the way He said it, I chuckle, I blush even. But this is not the reason I believe, It is only a confirmation of what I already know in my heart.
God is and He loves me so. The things I’ve seen in this world are yet to shake this conviction.

This is my salvation story.
This is my testimony.

MercyMax!!!